I don’t know exactly what Jim my caddie was thinking as I hit my first tee shot, but it would have been something like “Oh my god, this is going to be a long round”.

We were standing on the 1st tee at Machrihanish Golf Club on the southern tip of the Mull of Kintyre.  Your opening tee shot needs a good drive carrying at least 180 yards (depending on your line) to clear the beach.

So, I announced on the first tee that if anyone had to play their second shot from the beach then they would buy the first round back in the clubhouse!

And then I promptly stepped up to my ball and topped my 3-wood not even on to the beach, but into all the shite in front of the tee!  My three best friends could not contain their glee and were all pissing themselves with laughter.

My golf did not get much better but the golf course itself is magnificent.  Bearing in mind how dry it’s been in western Scotland for the last few weeks we expected the fairways to be pretty burnt and they were. So, if you were not ‘on it’ with your shot game (I was not) then shots around the greens with zero grass under the ball was a challenge.  There were a lot of proper ‘links wedges’ from off the green i.e. putters!

To my mind there is not a bad hole on the course.  The 5th, 6th & 7th is nicknamed The Gauntlet and weirdly I played them OK in 3-over par. My worst holes were the 1st (quad bogey) and 17th (triple bogey).

The clubhouse was rebuilt a few years ago after a fire destroyed the old one and presents a new-to-old balance with the tiny pro shop.

Caddies, buggys & trolleys at Machrihanish Golf Club

As with all top-quality Scottish links courses, caddies (£60+tip) are readily available but should be booked at least 24 hours ahead.  In the summer the pro shop closes at 6pm so they will not let you take out an electric trolley or buggy after 2pm.  That said, it should have been 1pm as took us a full five hours to get round. OK, so we let people through, spent some time looking for balls, but do not expect to get round in less than four hours.

The clubhouse at Machrihanish Golf Club

It’s magnificent.  Newly built a few years ago, it’s been finished inside and outside beautifully.  The bar and terrace are lovely with great service.

One word of warning, the lunch portions are huge so you might want to think about sharing (particularly if you have the Loaded Fries!).

We did not use the showers but there were fresh towels and toiletries available.  Probably needed in the winter when you come in cold & wet!

Getting to Machrihanish Golf Club

This is one reason why I’ve not been before and frankly before a second course opened in the area, probably would have not gone…it’s a flipping long way from anywhere!  It was a full 3-to-3.5-hour drive from Glasgow airport.  Yes, there are some small planes that ‘hop’ from Glasgow, but the timings do not suit a ‘play the afternoon of one day and morning of the next’ trip, which is what we were doing.

The main road down the Mull of Kintyre has limited overtaking places, so once you are stuck in a line of traffic all doing 50mph, that’s it really, that’s the speed you are doing the whole way.

So, would I go back?  Yes, in heartbeat.  Might even combine it with a ferry over to Islay to play at The Machrie.